The "Kid Conundrum"
Anyone who knows me well knows I make a point to spend what time I can with my kids when I can. I'd be the house husband (OK, is "stay at home dad" a better term these days?) if I could, but the fact I currently have more earning power dictates that I'm the one "bringing home the bacon." I have wound up on some work shifts where I didn't see the kids much during the week and really didn't like that, so lately I've had done what I can with decent success. And I'm happy to say that the kids still enjoy spending time with me when they can; sure, they aren't always playing with me when I'm home, but they do seem to like to when they can. In a normal world, this would make me pretty darned happy.
Of course, those of you that do know me well know I'm also going back to school for a Master's in IT. Yeah, I'm doing it part time so I can have more time with the family, but I still wind up with the odd class (like the one I'm taking now) that just takes more out of me than others. There's a lot of reading for class, and the class is focusing on an aspect of IT I've never really done anything with or cared much about (software engineering), so it's a lot of new material. On top of that, in reading the prof's expectations for the class it's pretty clear he's expecting more out of us than the average prof might. I have a lot of extra research to do as well.
What the heck do these two things have to do with each other? Well, I need to leave for work sometime between 7 and 7:15 to get there on time, which for me means I need to be up around 6. (Jillian gets up for school at 6:30, and I like to be showered and dressed so I can help her get ready if she needs it before I have to go.) Now, I'm not a morning person. Getting up any earlier than that is hardly feasible, so there's not much time for me to study much at night.
The kids are usually in bed sometime between 8 and 9 in the evening. Theoretically, I do have a little bit of time to get stuff done for class in that window, but getting up at 6 I try to be in bed by 10-10:30. (In recent years I've come to understand why it's called "beauty sleep"; life can get really ugly if I don't get enough sleep.) Therefore, I try not to have any caffeine after work, or at the latest not after dinner, and by the time 8:30 rolls around I'm really not at my best usually.
So, at some point on this schedule I need to try to get work done with the kids being up and awake. This is where their affection for me becomes a liability.... Xavi in particular doesn't understand that I need to work when I'm at home sometimes. Jillian will often forget, and even days that Xavi seems to understand it won't be that long before he comes rushing in excited about something. I am, at best, less than productive when trying to get stuff done when they're up.
I am looking at two possible options at work schedule wise.... with that Saturday rotation they've started, I could just volunteer to be "the Saturday guy" and have Mondays off work, so I'd have at least one week day with Jillian at school and where hopefully Xavi would be more distracted... but, fact of the matter is if he's here, he's here and is still a liability. There has been some talk of the benefit of having me go to a 10am-7pm type shift at work too, which would make the commute easier and allow me to stay up later in the evenings, but at the expense of time with the kids. (I'd see Xavi in the morning still before work, but I'd just see Jillian a lot less.) Hence the conundrum. Do I go with what would be best to get the school work done (as well give more time with Beth without the kids, as well as time to get other things done I want to such as more certs and such) or do I keep the time with the kids and continue trying to scrape together study time?
The 10a-7pm schedule may be put on me temporarily for the duration of a project anyway, perhaps I'll just try it out and see how it works. If I get enough done in the evenings, perhaps I can reserve more time to catch up with Jillian on the weekends. Perhaps I'm sweating it too much; some parents don't even get that much of a chance to spend time with their kids. Still.... I'm not just 'some parent', I like to think.
*sigh*
Of course, those of you that do know me well know I'm also going back to school for a Master's in IT. Yeah, I'm doing it part time so I can have more time with the family, but I still wind up with the odd class (like the one I'm taking now) that just takes more out of me than others. There's a lot of reading for class, and the class is focusing on an aspect of IT I've never really done anything with or cared much about (software engineering), so it's a lot of new material. On top of that, in reading the prof's expectations for the class it's pretty clear he's expecting more out of us than the average prof might. I have a lot of extra research to do as well.
What the heck do these two things have to do with each other? Well, I need to leave for work sometime between 7 and 7:15 to get there on time, which for me means I need to be up around 6. (Jillian gets up for school at 6:30, and I like to be showered and dressed so I can help her get ready if she needs it before I have to go.) Now, I'm not a morning person. Getting up any earlier than that is hardly feasible, so there's not much time for me to study much at night.
The kids are usually in bed sometime between 8 and 9 in the evening. Theoretically, I do have a little bit of time to get stuff done for class in that window, but getting up at 6 I try to be in bed by 10-10:30. (In recent years I've come to understand why it's called "beauty sleep"; life can get really ugly if I don't get enough sleep.) Therefore, I try not to have any caffeine after work, or at the latest not after dinner, and by the time 8:30 rolls around I'm really not at my best usually.
So, at some point on this schedule I need to try to get work done with the kids being up and awake. This is where their affection for me becomes a liability.... Xavi in particular doesn't understand that I need to work when I'm at home sometimes. Jillian will often forget, and even days that Xavi seems to understand it won't be that long before he comes rushing in excited about something. I am, at best, less than productive when trying to get stuff done when they're up.
I am looking at two possible options at work schedule wise.... with that Saturday rotation they've started, I could just volunteer to be "the Saturday guy" and have Mondays off work, so I'd have at least one week day with Jillian at school and where hopefully Xavi would be more distracted... but, fact of the matter is if he's here, he's here and is still a liability. There has been some talk of the benefit of having me go to a 10am-7pm type shift at work too, which would make the commute easier and allow me to stay up later in the evenings, but at the expense of time with the kids. (I'd see Xavi in the morning still before work, but I'd just see Jillian a lot less.) Hence the conundrum. Do I go with what would be best to get the school work done (as well give more time with Beth without the kids, as well as time to get other things done I want to such as more certs and such) or do I keep the time with the kids and continue trying to scrape together study time?
The 10a-7pm schedule may be put on me temporarily for the duration of a project anyway, perhaps I'll just try it out and see how it works. If I get enough done in the evenings, perhaps I can reserve more time to catch up with Jillian on the weekends. Perhaps I'm sweating it too much; some parents don't even get that much of a chance to spend time with their kids. Still.... I'm not just 'some parent', I like to think.
*sigh*
posted by Tiny at 11:10 PM
1 Comments:
It's tough - you'll never get that time back that you don't spend with the kids. It isn't fair to ask them to not be kids when you're studying, either. At the same time, I know you're trying to do what's best for the future of your family. I know it will all work out somehow. Maybe you can get Xavi in some kind of activity in the mornings a couple of days a week . . . library story times or playgroups or something. I wish you the best!
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